Kitchen Catastrophes: Cooking under the influence
I ripped my rotator cuff in very late October 2013, and had surgery two weeks later. For the next two week, I was well-medicated and well-cared-for. Depending on your definition of “functional,” I might have been “functional.”
I have forgotten almost everything from that time except one trip to the emergency room. Later, though, I was able to articulate a new Rule of Life: Morphine Makes You Stupid. Your culinary judgement will be impaired.
- It will never be a good idea to poach beautiful fresh figs in diet ginger ale. Under the influence, I conflated poached pears and poached figs, and somehow imagined that off-brand diet ginger ale would stand in for really good red wine.
- Operating on the principal that “Fried is delicious,” I put a load of Chinese leftovers into the food processor to make little fry-able patties. I was unable to consider that not every flavor is a good match for every other. Ma Po Tofu, excellent on its own, is no friend to other flavors.
- No matter how quick you are with the food processor’s PULSE button, you will over-process biscuit dough and make hideous hockey pucks.
Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.